|
Guide to the Jewish Wedding
"The Jewish wedding ceremony is ...Judaism in miniature -- a cavalcade of Jewish meanings, images, theological notions, and historical memories." --Rabbi Jeffrey Salkin Mikvah Prior to their wedding day, some couples immerse in a Mikvah for purification. This is a type of t'shuvah (repentance), a way to regain perfection before the wedding day. Couples will then typically refrain from any intimate relations from the time of the Mikveh to the wedding day. Fasting Some traditional wedding days begin with a fast, the bride and groom will fast until the first ceremonial glass of wine. Symbolically, their past life and sins are overcome and they are forgiven its considered a "private Yom Kippur", because a person enters marriage in a state of purity, sinlessness and absolution. Fasting and confession also remind the bride and groom that they are at the threshold of a new life. Chossen's Tish (Groom's Table) To the accompaniment of whiskey and song, traditional grooms (Chatan in Hebrew, Chossen in Yiddish) begin the celebration with as many male guests as possible, toasting, giving and receiving last-minute advice, dancing, and toasting some more. Hachnassat Kallah (Entertaining the Bride) While the groom is regaled at the Chossen's Tisch, the bride is honored by the presence of her female friends and family. The bride spends the last moments before her marriage like a queen on her throne. There are drinks and things to nosh, picture-taking, storytelling and laughter. When all are ready, the groom is escorted by his father, future father-in-law, the rabbi, and all the male guests, upstairs to the bride's "throne". Kinyan sudar In traditional weddings, the rabbi and the groom each pull the ends of a handkerchief in front of witnesses. Through this act, the groom assumes his legal obligations to the bride. Witnesses sign the ketubah to signify that they witnessed these acts. First written in Aramaic over 2000 years ago, the overriding feature of the ketubah is the dignity and protection it affords the woman entering into a marriage. The signing of the ketubah shows that the bride and groom do not see marriage only as a physical and emotional union, but also as a moral and legal commitment. Who can be a witness? Traditionally two witnesses will sign the ketubah. The witnesses who sign the ketubah historically have been two observant males, neither of which is related to the bride or groom. (Friends of ours who had a small wedding needed to ask their caterer to leave the kitchen in order to witness and sign their ketubah!) More modern couples often give the honor of signing their ketubah to special, long-time friends. Bedekin (Veiling of the Bride) Raising her eyes, Rebecca saw Isaac. She alighted from the camel and said to the servant, "Who is that man walking in the field towards us?" And the servant said, "That is my master." So she took her veil and covered herself. After the bride and groom sign the ketubah, the groom lowers the bride's veil over her face, thereby setting her apart from all the women in the world, confirming that she is the bride of his choice. Under The Chuppah "Our couch is in a bower; Cedars are the beams of our house, Cypresses the rafters... "King Solomon made himself a wedding bed, From the Cedars of Lebanon. He made its posts of silver, Its back of gold, Its seat of purple wool. Within, it was decked with love By the maidens of Jerusalem. O maidens of Zion, so forth And gaze upon King Solomon Wearing the crown that his mother Gave him on his wedding day, On his day of bliss. -The Song of Songs It was the custom in ancient Israel that when a boy was born a cedar tree was planted and when a girl was born a pine tree. When they grew up and married, the wedding canopy was made of branches taken from both trees. The cedar and the pine branches evoke the interior of King Solomon's temple. This is a very nice custom to continue in a modern wedding. The chuppah's posts whether they are fixed or carried in - can be made of both pine and cedar. The "roof" of the chuppah often is made from a tallit (prayer) shawl which has special significance, it might have been owned by one of the couple's grandfathers perhaps. The chuppah's roof canopy can also be created especially for this wedding as a cherished treasure for the newly married couple. The all-time favorite Jewish wedding "song" is: (drum-roll, please) Dodi Li My Beloved is mine and I am his That feedeth among the lillies. Who is that going up from the wilderness Burning myrrh and frankincense? You have ravished my heart My sister, my bride Awaken, north wind, And come, O south wind. Dodi Li (My Beloved is Mine) is found in the Song of Songs. There are many tunes, some for Shabbat, when we welcome the Sabbath Bride, and others especially nice for weddings. Everyone has their favorite version, be it Shlomo Carlebach's, Debbie Friedman's, or... Peter, Paul & Mary's! In all of the traditional and non-traditional Jewish weddings we've attended (including our own) the couple's immediate family and one or two close friends join the rabbi and/or cantor under the chuppah. In traditional Jewish weddings, the bride circles the groom seven times, and in more contemporary, egalitarian weddings, the groom will circle the bride as well. According to Jewish mysticism, this symbolic act under the chuppah reflects that each are now entering the seven spheres of their beloved's soul. The rabbi then pronounces the Baruch Haba, the traditional greeting in which the guests are welcomed and G-d is asked to bless the wedding. Erusin and Kiddushin (Betrothal and Sanctification) This part of the ceremony under the chuppah begins with the recitation of two blessings. The first is recited over a cup of wine, a traditional symbol of joy at most Jewish occasions. The second blessing praises G-d for ordaining the laws of morality in the relationship of a man and a woman. At the conclusion of the blessings, the bride and groom drink from the same cup of wine, accepting together life's joys and responsibilities. Now the groom formally consecrates his bride, saying "Behold thou art betrothed unto me, with this ring, in accordance with the Law of Moses and Israel". He places the ring on the bride's right forefinger. What is a kosher ring? The Jewish wedding ring must be unpierced and free of stones. The ring represents the wholeness achieved through marriage and the hope for an unbroken union. The ring must be owned, and not borrowed. According to Jewish law a verbal declaration of marriage is not legally binding without an act of kinyan; a formal, physical acquisition. Without the groom's giving and the bride's acceptance of the ring, there is no marriage. The ketubah is read aloud by the rabbi for all to hear, and then it is given to the bride, who is the true "owner" of the ketubah. By accepting the ring and the ketubah, the bride gives her consent to the marriage. She responds by placing a ring on the groom's right forefinger, saying "And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in loving-kindness, and in mercy: I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness: and thou shalt know the Lord." In traditional weddings, the bride and groom will at this point wrap a talit (prayer shawl) around themselves, so that they are one, together under the chuppah, as they receive the Sheva B'rachot. The Sheva B'rachot (Seven Blessings) These are sung by the Cantor over a second cup of wine. Blessed are You, Lord Our God, Who Creates the fruit of the vine. Who Creates all things for His glory. Who Created human beings. Who Created human beings in His image, so that they, in turn, can create life. Creator of human beings. Who Causes His children to be gathered up in Zion. Who Causes the bridegroom and bride to rejoice, creating joy and gladness, bridegroom and bride, laughter and song, dancing and jubilation, love and harmony, peace and friendship. Some ceremonies include the Shecheyanu, the prayer which offers thanks for new or unusal experiences or special occaisions. Blessed are You, Lord Our God, Creator of time and space, who has supported us, protected us, and brought us to this moment. Breaking the Glass The Talmud states that a precious glass was broken at a wedding feast in order to teach that "in place of great joy there must also be trembling." The glass is smashed; never again will it be whole. The glass is broken under the chuppah; never again will the bride and groom be without each other. Yichud (Seclusion) The newly-married couple adjourn to a private room to experience the first few moments of married life alone and to eat for the first time if fasting. Yichud symbolizes the consummation of the marriage and is verified by two witnesses who guard the door. |
